Be Different or be dead

May 27, 2019

5 necessary ways to beat a toxic colleague and win

5 necessary ways to beat a toxic colleague and win.

We’ve all had to work with and for toxic people in an organization we don’t particularly like; individuals we can’t trust, who always seem to have a hidden agenda.

I had such a colleague when I held a number of executive positions for a major telecommunications company.

My toxic colleague thrived on advancing his own personal agenda, finding fault with what others did and working behind their back to sabotage them and position himself as the shining example of the way things should be done.

But he managed, through all of his destructive behaviour, to fool senior people in the organization — including the EVP of Human Resources — and get promoted.
In the end, he was eventually found out to be the horrific person he really was, but that was unfortunately after he did considerable damage to other people and the organization.

I had to learn to deal with this person from several different perspectives; as the boss, a peer and a direct report. The most challenging relationship was as a peer; the easiest was as a direct report — having this person reporting to me was not pleasant because he would always be undermining my direction and trying to discredit the other members of my reporting team.

As his boss I had the power and he was smart enough to hide his dark side. As his direct report, he had the power and didn’t have to display his real side.
But as a peer he showed who he really was — calculating, spiteful, a bully and toxic to those around him who he felt threatened and competed with him for attention and opportunities.

This is how I survived him as a peer. It was not a put-down or take-out plan but a survival plan to withstand the personal threat he constantly posed in hopes that leadership in the organization would figure him out and do what was right to remedy the situation.

1. Always do the right thing

I always led with what was right for the organization.

The dilemma you have in this type of situation is if you go one-on-one with Mr Toxic, you run the risk of being seen by those around you as jealous and vindictive. And the toxic ones will always paint you in that light once they see that you are in the attack mode.

So my strategy was to avoid making it personal by putting the business plan of the organization first. The idea was to sell my ideas over his as the better solutions to the company’s problems and therefore show him as someone who really didn’t understand what was required to succeed in the highly competitive marketplace we served.

This tactic was difficult because you were always having to resist the emotional personal response to his actions and reframe the debate in terms of what was best for the company.

2. Never underestimate them

I never underestimated him. The toxic ones are clever — no, cunning — like a laseraptor. That’s why they are so dangerous to others. It’s really unfortunate they direct their intelligence towards destroying another person rather than towards solving the problems of the organization.

This factor drove me to always prepare for his attack on any solution I came up with. I had to look at my proposal through his ill-intentioned eyes and try to anticipate his objections to it.

Literally every plan or proposal anyone else developed was met with either his outright disapproval or his condemnation of some portion of it.
Some might say that he forced people to create their best work because of his malicious oversight, but the reality was that people had to be fastidious because they wanted to avoid his personal attacks on their work.

3. Don’t believe them

I didn’t believe anything he said. It’s always tempting to accept what people say as being truthful; I think humans are born with the innate desire to trust others and believe in them.

But with a toxic one, this can be deadly because they never tell the truth. They are always looking for opportunities to advance their own agenda through a narrative that looks and sounds believable.

My strategy was to listen carefully and NOT respond until I could figure out what he was really up to. Exhausting, right? But absolutely necessary to avoid getting sucked in to a situation that could hurt you.

4. Contact their team members

I was in regular contact with key members of his team. Having real time data on what toxic ones are doing is an essential survival tool. Not only from the perspective of the actions that are taking on organizational issues, but also on how people in their organization are feeling about how they are being treated.

Regular meetings with his direct reports were on my agenda every week. I gathered information on what they discussed at their own team meetings with him and what projects they were treating as priorities.

The activity data base I developed on him was essential in creating my plan and in making adjustments to it based on his current behaviour.
You may think that this was overkill, but consider the consequences of not being able to take countermeasures when you are being hunted. I did this religiously and was always positioned to avoid his onslaught (much to his chagrin).

5. Form alliances to combat them

I formed alliances with other executives. Negative impacts are created by toxic people throughout the organization and they must be neutralized.
It’s important to come together with colleagues who share a common view of the toxic one; the credibility of the opposition often is based on the strength of numbers.

My plan was to organize like-minded executives to counteract the toxic actions he took. We met regularly to review what he did and developed an action plan to remedy anything we felt needed an intervention and to create a communications strategy to talk about what we decided to do and why.
We spread our word widely in the organization.

To many of you, my 5-point action plan probably seems unnecessarily complicated and in excess of what is needed to survive a toxic one.

But I assure you it is absolutely necessary.

Toxic ones are smart; they are dangerously deliberate and the manipulate exceedingly well to achieve their selfish ends.

So an exhaustive approach is needed to survive the war — unless you decide to leave the organization to escape their punishment.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 5.27.19 at 04:48 am by Roy Osing
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May 20, 2019

6 daring things brilliant ‘weirdos’ do that people in crowds can’t

Source: Unsplash

6 daring things brilliant ‘weirdos’ do that people in crowds can’t.

When someone distances themselves and steps outside of the crowd to do something different they standout.

They are noticed because they don’t conform to what people are normally exposed to — they don’t fit the mould of commonality. And they are special in some way that others are not.

What do these people do to distinguish themselves in the eyes of others from the masses of people who all blend in to one another?

1. They don’t care

... about expected norms.

As opposed to being influenced by the majority opinion they choose to be guided by a different set of standards.

My observation is that this trait is not a learned one but rather an innate instinctive leaning to not give a sh** about what people expect and to constantly push for the opposite to what is expected.

They ask “Why not?” constantly when an alternative to a commonly held thought or opinion is posed. Instead of going with the flow, their natural instinct is to breakaway and pursue a different direction.

“We’ve always done it this way” doesn’t wash with these folks; it provokes them and in fact fuels their energy to push back on the crowd mentality. They see continuing the momentum of past decisions as the reason so many problems exist in society today.

2. They hang out

... with weird people.

Like minded people tend to cluster; so these people join with other breakaway thinkers and doers to form their own tribes. Ironically they dislike the common crowd but love to create their own tribe of weirdos.

And they are attracted to places and experiences that are frequented by the different crowd. For example, you wouldn’t be surprised to see them having a burger at the Heart Attack Grill in Vegas just to witness their brethren participate in a crazy (and unhealthy) experience.

3. They are compelled

... to present a different point of view.

Compliance with crowd-think is simply not on their radar; their persona has the step out rather than a fit in trait.

Whereas the masses might advocate throwing more money at healthcare, for example, these people might suggest that the system delivering healthcare be fixed — re-engineered — first.

They would argue that it makes little sense to apply additional resources to a system that is inherently flawed; it’s wasteful of tax dollars. And of course they question everything; it’s their way of formulating an alternative point of view to something that is accepted by the crowd.

4. They don’t follow rules

... and their school report cards commented on this aspect of their class performance.

Remarks like:
“Roy is constantly challenging how things are done and distracts the rest of the class”, or “Roy on occasion breaks the school rules and doesn’t seem to understand that students are expected to conform with school policies” are ascribed to them constantly by the school establishment.

If a rule doesn’t enable logical behaviour, they resist it vehemently and press for its elimination or at least that flexibility be applied to bend it in certain circumstances. And killing dumb rules is their mantra to which they invest much of their emotional energy.

5. They make mistakes

... and are noticeable because they are proud of the number of mistakes they make.
They are naturally unafraid of taking a risk; they believe that risk taking is a necessary prerequisite to achieving remarkable progress.

And the corollary they have to this is that a high level of performance can be maintained only if someone tries a lot —> the more tries —> the more mistakes —> the more real change is accomplished.

6. They are insanely

... curious.

It’s what feeds their incessant drive to do what they do and stand apart from everyone else.
I think it’s a bit of a science gene that these special folks possess. They need to understand how things work and why things are the way they are; it’s the fuel that enables the to think differently and do different things.

Face value accounts for very little to the different ones; they accept nothing at face value but need to dive deep to know what’s really going on.
They view the current base of academic knowledge as their fodder for change.

Someone who’s not like the others loves the fact that they are slightly distant but realizes that it’s sometimes hard because the pressures to conform and NOT standout are so enormous.

Thankfully they are strong enough and persistent enough to be who they are — special, quirky, remarkable, weird, different, unmatchable, an ONLY one, distinguished and brave.

We need them.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 5.20.19 at 04:23 am by Roy Osing
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April 12, 2019

10 proven ways to leave your problems at home

10 proven ways to leave your problems at home.

When you spend eight hours a day in the workplace, it can be difficult to leave your personal life at the front door. While your job success is a big part of your life, it’s only one aspect of your life — and you don’t want to bring your personal life into it.

Whether you’re experiencing relationship issues, or you’re stressed about home repairs, here are a few tips to keep your problems at home.

1. Keep work at work

If you’re unable to establish boundaries for keeping your work at work, it’s going to be even harder to leave your problems at home. Time spent at home should be your time for dealing with your personal life.
Try to be present when you’re at home. Work-related items, such as a laptop or work phone, should be left at work. If you work from home, make sure you have a set schedule for work hours and leave all work supplies in your workspace.

2. Stay present during family time

Once you get home, live in the moment. If there are conversations that need to be had, or if you’re spending time with your kids, be engaged. Really listen to your partner when they’re telling you about their day.
Take time to have fun with your kids and be truly invested in their lives. Spend time manifesting the relationships in your life creating meaningful bonds with your family members. 

3. Find an outlet

You don’t need to live by, “Work, home, sleep, repeat.” Routine can get monotonous, boring, and detrimental to your mental health. If you are struggling with life at home, find a release that works for you.
Try to exercise, take a class, find a support group, or simply hang out with your friends. A healthy outlet may be the refresher you need to get back to work invigorated and not bogged down with the struggles of your home life.

4. Personalize your office space

An easy way to help out with our stress levels in by working in a visually pleasing environment. While you may not be able to redesign your entire office, try to make little changes to bring your personality to your desk.
Get a picture of your family, fancy office supplies, or a plant to freshen things up. Intentionally create an office space that you enjoy working in to help you focus on the task at hand.

5. Have a support system

It may be unrealistic to never talk about your personal problems at work. Instead of striving for perfection, select a few trustworthy coworkers as your support system.
Having coworkers who understand some of the things you go through outside of the workplace may be a way to relieve the built-up stress you feel throughout the day.
If you’re able to get things off your mind by talking to a coworker during your lunchbreak, it could help increase your productivity the rest of the day. It may ease your tension simply knowing that you have a network of trustworthy people you can reach out to if needed.

6. Take care of yourself and your home

Taking care of yourself and your belongings is essential in ensuring that you’re not constantly thinking about your problems. Make healthy habits by maintaining an exercise routine and scheduling routine maintenance on your home for example.
Taking care of your body and your home will eliminate some of the problems that may normally cross your mind at work.

7. Treat yourself

There’s nothing wrong with splurging every once in a while. If you’re feeling stressed, take yourself out for a nice meal during your lunch break instead of eating at your desk. Don’t be afraid to go out of your normal routine to do something that will bring you joy.
Never underestimate the power of unwinding to help get you through the last part of your day.

8. Take a breath

If you start to feel overwhelmed and are unable to get your mind off of your personal problems, consider going into a separate room and doing deep breathing exercises or mindful meditation.
Taking the time to clear your mind will make it easier to get back to the grind without having your productivity hindered too much.

9. Stay positive

Try to think about things in a positive light while you’re at work. One easy way to stay positive is by keeping a gratitude journal at your desk. Make it a daily habit to write something you’re grateful for and why.
This is an easy practice you can start so that when you get to work to shift your mindset from home life to a happy, productive workday.

10. Don’t try to be perfect

At the end of the day, nobody is perfect. It’s natural to discuss home life at work every once in a while.

The key is to make sure it doesn’t get to the point that it negatively affects your productivity or the organization’s bottom line.

— Emma Cook is a recent graduate and freelance writer living in Raleigh, NC. She’s taking time to explore her passions and expand her writing portfolio. She enjoys writing about all things healthy living- whether it’s home life, aging, mental health, or seeking financial freedom. She’s passionate about helping people live their fullest lives and hopes to do so through her writing.

• Posted 4.12.19 at 03:50 am by Roy Osing
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March 25, 2019

9 easy ways to get out of the gigantic rut you’re in

Source: Unsplash

9 easy ways to get out of the gigantic rut you’re in.

“I’m in a rut and I just can’t seem to get out of it”. How many times have you heard someone say it? How many times have you said it?

I’m not a psychologist, and there are many who prescribe solutions to this problem.

I’m a business guy, writer and grandparent who, like all of you, has fallen victim to ‘the rut’ from time, and have had to figure out how to escape. I hope what worked for me will be useful to you.

In my experience, it’s not unusual to get stuck. Your work can sometimes fall into a mechanical routine and your personal life can fall victim to lacklustre days of same-old same-old.

And the rut isn’t so bad; it’s comfortable settling in to a routine. When you’re stuck, you’re not particularly challenged because repetition dictates your activities ; it’s low risk and you just float along.

But after a while, the comfortable turns into the frustrating and annoying; what was once a peaceful place to be suddenly becomes somewhere you anxiously want to exit.

When you find yourself trapped by momentum you no longer find gratifying, it’s time for a self-intervention.

These steps helped me manage my rut experience(s) and achieve productive outcomes.

Reflect: how bad is it really?

So you’re caught in a vortex and you can’t see anyway out. The problem is that your emotions take over and dictate the severity of the entrapment you feel, but emotions aren’t always the best judge of how really bad it is.

It might FEEL like you’re suffocating but in reality you may be catching your breath now and then.

So before you hit your OMG! button, take a time out and do a reality check on your situation. Make sure it’s really a rut you’re in before you start trying to climb out.

Maybe it’s time

The experience you’re having could be a blessing in disguise. It’s possible that up until now you’ve been unaware that you’ve been stuck. When the current has you, it’s difficult to think of anything but going with it.

So rejoice over the fact that at least you now you realize it’s time to shake off the dust from the past and move on. Discomfort is an amazing motivator and guide if you listen to it.

Examine what has changed

Something changed that made you dissatisfied with the direction you were on.
Before you can take any remedial action, you must understand the dynamics at play. There’s a reason you now feel you’re in a rut that you don’t like and you need to understand it.

You can’t fix or change it if you don’t know what likely caused it. Look at any recent life event — family, financial, career, health — because they can dramatically shift your thinking and cause you to rethink how you’ve been living your life.

Talk to friends

Get the views of your closest allies on what’s going on with you. They may have valuable insights on what’s causing your discontent, and they may be able to offer potential solutions.

Third party engagement is quite often extremely effective because we simply are unable to spot what’s wrong in us; we’re embedded in ourselves and often too close to be objective to see our problem.

Do some research

You’re not likely the only person who has been in your situation; the rut you’re in has probably been occupied by someone else at some point.
So do some research and find out what’s out there on your dilemma.

Social media is a good source to explore what others have gone through; Google your situation as well and you will get plenty of information to ponder.

Get enough sleep

You need your sleep to figure out what needs changing; you can’t solve any problem when your body is sleep deprived.

This may seem like a small issue but it’s not. Changing momentum requires intense emotional energy which cannot be produced from a tired body.
Take care of yourself and be able to do the tough work required.

Think!

Getting unstuck requires innovative thinking which means you need to do things that gets your creative juices flowing.

Sitting in your chair won’t create the kind of possibilities you need; perhaps taking early morning walks — in any weather — might.

The point is to find an activity you like and one that stimulates your thought process and start doing it regularly. See what new thinking you can create to check out of rutsville.

Check your bucket list

Everyone has an inventory of things they would like to do kif only they could’; so now its time to turn some of your dreams into reality.
Use your bucket lists as a source of ideas to get un-stuck, but choose wisely.

Resist the temptation to go for the big idea necessarily right away; perhaps a series of short term changes will produce the behaviour necessary for you to get un-stuck and STAY un-stuck.

Have a plan

Take the time to document the choices you feel you have to escape your rut. Write them down because they have more serious intent than idle thoughts about what you COULD do.
If they’re “on paper” they have more permanence.

The discipline of recording your thoughts and potential choices is very productive in terms of clarifying your options and the intent of each.
And quite often new ideas are borne as you go through the diarizing process.

Your plan should include pros and cons of each choice you’re facing so you have a good basis to compare them with one another before you decide on which one to take.

And once you’ve made your decision, develop an implementation plan to monitor your progress — include elements such as WHAT to do and WHEN to have it done.

And define what success looks like when you have done your work; it’s important to know when you’ve arrived at your out-of-rut destination.

Take baby steps

Don’t be too aggressive with your change goals; baby steps are needed. You didn’t get into your rut overnight and you can’t expect to get out of it overnight.

I always had success by “chunking” any change process into small discrete steps. I would achieve one; pat myself on the back then achieve another until complete change was made.

You might be stuck or you might not be. But if you are, these steps hopefully will start you with the tools necessary to get out until the next time.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 3.25.19 at 05:21 am by Roy Osing
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