Be Different or be dead

May 27, 2019

5 necessary ways to beat a toxic colleague and win

5 necessary ways to beat a toxic colleague and win.

We’ve all had to work with and for toxic people in an organization we don’t particularly like; individuals we can’t trust, who always seem to have a hidden agenda.

I had such a colleague when I held a number of executive positions for a major telecommunications company.

My toxic colleague thrived on advancing his own personal agenda, finding fault with what others did and working behind their back to sabotage them and position himself as the shining example of the way things should be done.

But he managed, through all of his destructive behaviour, to fool senior people in the organization — including the EVP of Human Resources — and get promoted.
In the end, he was eventually found out to be the horrific person he really was, but that was unfortunately after he did considerable damage to other people and the organization.

I had to learn to deal with this person from several different perspectives; as the boss, a peer and a direct report. The most challenging relationship was as a peer; the easiest was as a direct report — having this person reporting to me was not pleasant because he would always be undermining my direction and trying to discredit the other members of my reporting team.

As his boss I had the power and he was smart enough to hide his dark side. As his direct report, he had the power and didn’t have to display his real side.
But as a peer he showed who he really was — calculating, spiteful, a bully and toxic to those around him who he felt threatened and competed with him for attention and opportunities.

This is how I survived him as a peer. It was not a put-down or take-out plan but a survival plan to withstand the personal threat he constantly posed in hopes that leadership in the organization would figure him out and do what was right to remedy the situation.

1. Always do the right thing

I always led with what was right for the organization.

The dilemma you have in this type of situation is if you go one-on-one with Mr Toxic, you run the risk of being seen by those around you as jealous and vindictive. And the toxic ones will always paint you in that light once they see that you are in the attack mode.

So my strategy was to avoid making it personal by putting the business plan of the organization first. The idea was to sell my ideas over his as the better solutions to the company’s problems and therefore show him as someone who really didn’t understand what was required to succeed in the highly competitive marketplace we served.

This tactic was difficult because you were always having to resist the emotional personal response to his actions and reframe the debate in terms of what was best for the company.

2. Never underestimate them

I never underestimated him. The toxic ones are clever — no, cunning — like a laseraptor. That’s why they are so dangerous to others. It’s really unfortunate they direct their intelligence towards destroying another person rather than towards solving the problems of the organization.

This factor drove me to always prepare for his attack on any solution I came up with. I had to look at my proposal through his ill-intentioned eyes and try to anticipate his objections to it.

Literally every plan or proposal anyone else developed was met with either his outright disapproval or his condemnation of some portion of it.
Some might say that he forced people to create their best work because of his malicious oversight, but the reality was that people had to be fastidious because they wanted to avoid his personal attacks on their work.

3. Don’t believe them

I didn’t believe anything he said. It’s always tempting to accept what people say as being truthful; I think humans are born with the innate desire to trust others and believe in them.

But with a toxic one, this can be deadly because they never tell the truth. They are always looking for opportunities to advance their own agenda through a narrative that looks and sounds believable.

My strategy was to listen carefully and NOT respond until I could figure out what he was really up to. Exhausting, right? But absolutely necessary to avoid getting sucked in to a situation that could hurt you.

4. Contact their team members

I was in regular contact with key members of his team. Having real time data on what toxic ones are doing is an essential survival tool. Not only from the perspective of the actions that are taking on organizational issues, but also on how people in their organization are feeling about how they are being treated.

Regular meetings with his direct reports were on my agenda every week. I gathered information on what they discussed at their own team meetings with him and what projects they were treating as priorities.

The activity data base I developed on him was essential in creating my plan and in making adjustments to it based on his current behaviour.
You may think that this was overkill, but consider the consequences of not being able to take countermeasures when you are being hunted. I did this religiously and was always positioned to avoid his onslaught (much to his chagrin).

5. Form alliances to combat them

I formed alliances with other executives. Negative impacts are created by toxic people throughout the organization and they must be neutralized.
It’s important to come together with colleagues who share a common view of the toxic one; the credibility of the opposition often is based on the strength of numbers.

My plan was to organize like-minded executives to counteract the toxic actions he took. We met regularly to review what he did and developed an action plan to remedy anything we felt needed an intervention and to create a communications strategy to talk about what we decided to do and why.
We spread our word widely in the organization.

To many of you, my 5-point action plan probably seems unnecessarily complicated and in excess of what is needed to survive a toxic one.

But I assure you it is absolutely necessary.

Toxic ones are smart; they are dangerously deliberate and the manipulate exceedingly well to achieve their selfish ends.

So an exhaustive approach is needed to survive the war — unless you decide to leave the organization to escape their punishment.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 5.27.19 at 04:48 am by Roy Osing
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May 24, 2019

When should you quit your job?

Are you thinking about quitting your job but aren’t sure whether it is the right thing to do or not?
There are plenty of reasons why you would feel like leaving your job and consider other options. There could be a lot of things on your mind because of which you just don’t feel that your current job is paying off.

Let’s throw light on a few of those reasons.

Low salary

You might have researched that the salary that you are given doesn’t match the average salary that an employee at your post receives. For this reason, you don’t feel that staying where you currently work is worth the efforts that you are putting in.
This is the most common problem that employees face these days. And not quitting in such situations becomes inexcusable.

Negative environment

The environment often becomes the deciding factor whether you would want to work in a company or not. It is obviously difficult to work around negative people. If some people are bothering you, you must talk to them or your manager first before making ‘that’ big decision.
It has been proved that you can only work effectively if you are at peace and relatively stress-free. So, this is one of the major reasons why people leave their jobs. If you don’t treat people nicely, they are likely to leave the place right away as their sustainable power decreases day by day.

Better opportunity

You would definitely want to leave your current job if you are granted a better one. Who doesn’t want to work in a better company or in a better position?! Some people do get attached to their own company and think a lot before making the decision.
But as far as your career growth is considered, it is advisable to switch to different companies as and when you are offered a better opportunity or a raise in salary at a different company.

There is no room for advancement

If you feel stuck at work, and do not find yourself evolving with time, it is time to reconsider your career options. There is literally no use working in a company if you do not sense personal growth in the company.
It becomes monotonous with time and you wouldn’t feel like working anymore. Before such a situation arises, look for better options and start job hunting.

You are overqualified

Often times, we choose to work in a company just for the sake of it. We think working at a lower-level job wouldn’t require you to work much and hence, you would work comfortably.
But trust me, there is no use working for a job-position which doesn’t match your skill set. Stay on alert for job positions that fit your skills. Don’t do something which doesn’t match your level of expertise.

The company culture isn’t a fit for you

If you crave for a flexible environment, work-from-home environment, then it really doesn’t make sense working in a company with fixed timings. You should know what suits you and what doesn’t.
You don’t have to compromise on your comfort zone. There is various work from home jobs available these days. You have an option of freelancing as well.

You are facing health-related issues

In various companies, you would be required to work different shifts. You might have to work on night shifts and this may hinder your health if you are not a night person.
Before you ruin your health, you must consider quitting your job because it makes no sense compromising on your health just for the sake of getting a good amount of money.

You complain about your job way too much

Do you keep complaining or venting about how miserable you feel working in your current job? There may not be any serious problem that you face in the company, but you still feel unhappy for some reason.
In such cases, it is best to sit down and think what exactly the concern is. Working somewhere you don’t find yourself happy doesn’t serve the purpose of working there at all. You must work happily in order to lead a peaceful life.

You are being recruited by other companies

Even if you are happily working at your workplace, if recruiters are approaching you for new jobs, you must consider those proposals as it is better to keep switching from company to company for your enriching career growth.

You don’t seem to put your opinion in front of others

Even if you are getting paid sufficiently, if you are not allowed to or don’t feel comfortable putting your opinion or new ideas in front of others or speaking up in front of your colleagues, then it’s time to think about quitting your job.
If you and your opinions are not respected in your workplace, it makes no sense working in such an environment.

Before you actually quit

So there can be any reason why you wouldn’t want to work in your current company, but before you quit you must keep a backup option or be mentally prepared as to what you will do ahead in your life.
Quitting for no reason or without knowing your path ahead, doesn’t make any sense. You must plan things out before you sign the resignation letter.

Hopefully these reasons will help you determine if you should be stuck in a company where you don’t belong.

I wish you a delightful life ahead. All the best for your future endeavors. Kudos!

— Abrons Dilan is a PR strategist and writer, with extensive professional management experience in the public and private sectors.

• Posted 5.24.19 at 04:53 am by Roy Osing
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May 20, 2019

6 daring things brilliant ‘weirdos’ do that people in crowds can’t

Source: Unsplash

6 daring things brilliant ‘weirdos’ do that people in crowds can’t.

When someone distances themselves and steps outside of the crowd to do something different they standout.

They are noticed because they don’t conform to what people are normally exposed to — they don’t fit the mould of commonality. And they are special in some way that others are not.

What do these people do to distinguish themselves in the eyes of others from the masses of people who all blend in to one another?

1. They don’t care

... about expected norms.

As opposed to being influenced by the majority opinion they choose to be guided by a different set of standards.

My observation is that this trait is not a learned one but rather an innate instinctive leaning to not give a sh** about what people expect and to constantly push for the opposite to what is expected.

They ask “Why not?” constantly when an alternative to a commonly held thought or opinion is posed. Instead of going with the flow, their natural instinct is to breakaway and pursue a different direction.

“We’ve always done it this way” doesn’t wash with these folks; it provokes them and in fact fuels their energy to push back on the crowd mentality. They see continuing the momentum of past decisions as the reason so many problems exist in society today.

2. They hang out

... with weird people.

Like minded people tend to cluster; so these people join with other breakaway thinkers and doers to form their own tribes. Ironically they dislike the common crowd but love to create their own tribe of weirdos.

And they are attracted to places and experiences that are frequented by the different crowd. For example, you wouldn’t be surprised to see them having a burger at the Heart Attack Grill in Vegas just to witness their brethren participate in a crazy (and unhealthy) experience.

3. They are compelled

... to present a different point of view.

Compliance with crowd-think is simply not on their radar; their persona has the step out rather than a fit in trait.

Whereas the masses might advocate throwing more money at healthcare, for example, these people might suggest that the system delivering healthcare be fixed — re-engineered — first.

They would argue that it makes little sense to apply additional resources to a system that is inherently flawed; it’s wasteful of tax dollars. And of course they question everything; it’s their way of formulating an alternative point of view to something that is accepted by the crowd.

4. They don’t follow rules

... and their school report cards commented on this aspect of their class performance.

Remarks like:
“Roy is constantly challenging how things are done and distracts the rest of the class”, or “Roy on occasion breaks the school rules and doesn’t seem to understand that students are expected to conform with school policies” are ascribed to them constantly by the school establishment.

If a rule doesn’t enable logical behaviour, they resist it vehemently and press for its elimination or at least that flexibility be applied to bend it in certain circumstances. And killing dumb rules is their mantra to which they invest much of their emotional energy.

5. They make mistakes

... and are noticeable because they are proud of the number of mistakes they make.
They are naturally unafraid of taking a risk; they believe that risk taking is a necessary prerequisite to achieving remarkable progress.

And the corollary they have to this is that a high level of performance can be maintained only if someone tries a lot —> the more tries —> the more mistakes —> the more real change is accomplished.

6. They are insanely

... curious.

It’s what feeds their incessant drive to do what they do and stand apart from everyone else.
I think it’s a bit of a science gene that these special folks possess. They need to understand how things work and why things are the way they are; it’s the fuel that enables the to think differently and do different things.

Face value accounts for very little to the different ones; they accept nothing at face value but need to dive deep to know what’s really going on.
They view the current base of academic knowledge as their fodder for change.

Someone who’s not like the others loves the fact that they are slightly distant but realizes that it’s sometimes hard because the pressures to conform and NOT standout are so enormous.

Thankfully they are strong enough and persistent enough to be who they are — special, quirky, remarkable, weird, different, unmatchable, an ONLY one, distinguished and brave.

We need them.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 5.20.19 at 04:23 am by Roy Osing
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