Be Different or be dead

August 6, 2018

How a simple grin from someone can ruin your career

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How a simple grin from someone can ruin your career.

You can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig.

A grin is a funny thing; it can kill your career if you are unaware.

I hate grins because I saw the effect they could have on people; in some cases a grin was the cause of a career that never had the opportunity to develop and flourish.

A grin is not a smile; it’s not a grimace. A grin lingers somewhere in between these extremes demonstrating neither joy nor annoyance.

This is the real danger lurking beneath the grin. You never know the real intention behind the grin; is the grinner genuinely happy or displeased in some way.

The grin is a very difficult read.

But it’s consequences can be swift and destructive to the innocent person who incorrectly interprets it.

The grinner has a number of intentions behind their art. Each action they take is a precursor to a clandestine act they intend to play out in the future with their victim.

They use a grin to hide their envy

A colleague looks like they are progressing faster and further. The grin is really a faked expression of good will and well wishes that really means “OMG! that person is on the move and I could be behind. “The “envy grin” is most commonly spotted when the grinner congratulates the person who is promoted or is publicly recognized for some achievement.

They use a grin as a mask

The mask is used to hide their true feelings. It’s a baked on look because they are afraid that their real feelings will show through if they respond honestly. And they don’t want that to happen. The grinner doesn’t want to overtly display negative emotions like disgust, anger and jealousy because others will see them for who they really are; their real agenda will be exposed and their strategy to undermine others will be at risk.

They use a grin to deceive

The grinner uses the weapon to falsify their intentions and lull another person into believing they have the grinner’s full support. That way the grinner is perceived to be a member of the crowd that will stand behind and do to the wall to defend another’s plan or proposal. When a colleague falls victim to the “deception grin”, they focus on gathering support from others and assume the grinner’s loyalty; they let their guard down and provide a sliver of entry for the grinner’s eventual surprise attack.

The favourite ploy of the grinner who has deceived you is to wait for the perfect moment to shoot you down. To put their hand up when you are presenting your proposal to the decision making group and raise a “minor concern” or picky point that just might cause risk for the organization.

They put it forward as well intentioned, in the spirit of achieving the best solution possible, but it is nothing more than an attack meant to discredit.
They want to be seen as the “white knight”; you the pawn.

They use a grin to fake

It’s a classic basketball move. Lean to the left and move to the right. The grinner loves the ploy to lull everyone into thinking they know what they’re all about. What they think and how they will likely act.
Fake grinners never want to be predictable; they see it as a weakness and a window through which others will discover their true motives.

A grinner colleague of mine was a master of this technique. He would declare to one and all that he intended to propose a major capital investment to support marketing — I was CMO at the time and he was VP Technology — and when the time came to play his cards and make the call, he always found some vague reason to not do it. The “fake grin” was his way of displaying support for marketing but doing exactly the opposite.

They use a grin to suck you in

The grinner wants others to believe they are sincere; that they are honest and above reproach. They use the “suck you in grin” to lull people into thinking they are that person. But they’re really driven by narcissism and insincerity. They only care about their own personal needs and wants.

If you get hooked by this grin, you basically won’t believe anything negative that is said about the grinner. You believe their motives are sincere; there must be something else going on that would explain any negative behaviour you witness. In this state they can get away with almost anything and you are unlikely to tag them as harmful to those around them.

My story — “the snake”

“The snake” plagued me for many years of my executive life. He was a classic grinner who used his talent to effectively sideline many talented people only to suddenly appear in a higher more influential position in the organization.

He was a calculated grinner who I believe had a pathological streak. Many times he would shoot me down in an executive meeting and then would appear surprised when I called him on it. One of many examples: as president of our data and internet organization, I needed capital to expand internet service; he would argue against it saying we should place the priority on regulated services — even though outside the executive room he was gushing over developing new innovative internet based services.

And when I called him out on his two faces, he would grin in amazement over my reaction.
My story has a happy ending though. He was eventually discovered for what he was and was unceremoniously terminated — much to his surprise — but unfortunately leaving many casualties in his wake.

Don’t be paranoid when you see a grin, but be aware that it may not be an expression of honesty one way or another. It may be a disguised act of war.

Look for people who wear their hearts on their sleeves; who laugh out loud or scream their displeasure.

At least you will know where these people are coming from.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 8.6.18 at 04:18 am by Roy Osing
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June 25, 2018

6 surprising things people never knew about making a mistake

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6 surprising things people never knew about making a mistake.

How often do you remember being praised for making a mistake? When you screw up, does the person you admire and respect congratulate you and lavish you with attaboys?

I can’t recall EVER being rewarded for a miscue; it wasn’t — and still isn’t — the acceptable thing to do.

Our entire life we have been taught to not make mistakes, from school to work. Get 100% on the exam and develop a perfect strategy for the organization you work for. And when we fall short of those expectations we are forced into remedial work to correct the things we did wrong so that the next time we will get them right.

It’s all wrong. Human beings make mistakes; some more than others but everyone screws up at one time or another.

To try and eradicate mistake making is senseless, unproductive and misses an opportunity to turn the “failure” into an epic win.

As long as we are going to make mistakes shouldn’t our academic institutions and organizations be teaching people how to turn them into amazing outcomes rather than scolding them for doing it? NO! because the teaching narrative is always about “do it right the first time” and be perfect.

Schools don’t get it.

The tools to at least have a good chance of achieving a position result remain a secret in the hallowed halls of our teaching institutions. “How to make the best out of a mistake” doesn’t appear on any school curricula or on any organization’s internal training agenda.

So, we are left with the enigma of teaching and expecting perfection in a world where unpredictability and uncertainty govern the dynamics of our environment and human beings are left to survive its forces.

An impossible task without making mistakes.

Weirdly, the mistake has a profound impact on our lives.

The mistake is the best teacher you’ve ever had

When you get something right, you receive positive reinforcement and a satisfied feeling of achievement, but when you get something wrong, there is an even more powerful emotional impact that motivates us to “fix it” and prevent it from happening again.

In particular, a setback on a real world issue where the consequences can include a loss of a relationship, a furious customer or a loss of revenue can motivate us to get it right much quicker than merely getting the third question on a math exam wrong.

The mistake can make you better off

Ironically, a mistake that is fixed fast can improve your situation more than if you never made the mistake in the first place. Proper recovery from a mishap — repair the situation fast and then do something extra — can build customer loyalty or enhance a personal relationship. The recipient of your mistake is so impressed with what you did to remedy the situation they soon forget about the OOPS! that caused them the original discomfort.

The mistake can make you more human

A mistake shows that you are more than superficial veneer; someone who is flawed just like everyone else. This is an endearing trait to most people as compared to the phoney slick image that some people like to portray. Humans are liked and respected more than plastic; the mistake fortifies the former and dispels the latter.

The mistake can build your personal brand

The ability to morph a “bad” situation into a delightful one is a personal brand dimension that few people possess. An individual who can turn a mess into a positive outcome is extremely valuable to an organization struggling to weave their way through complex and uncertain markets.

The mistake forces you to look for another path

It stimulates the creative process to explore other potential avenues to take. In fact it’s not about the mistake at all; rather the moment after the mistake. Problem solving in today’s environment requires nimbleness and the flexibility to consider all options available, and the mistake brings this to life in a very real way. You have no choice but to look for another plan if you are to move forward.

The mistake is the visceral reminder that you must always have “Plan B” available.

The mistake can separate you from the crowd

BE DiFFERENT or be dead is my mantra. If you can’t find a way to separate yourself — as an organization or individual — from the crowd, you will go unnoticed and sooner or later you will fail. The mistake can be the catalyst for discovering how you can standout from other people who are totally consumed with trying to get things right that leave themselves exposed and vulnerable when things go wrong (and they eventually do).

If you excel at squeezing the best from a mistake you will be truly unique in a sea of others struggling with trying to achieve perfection.

Learning how to prevent mistakes is a laudable goal but an unachievable one; learning how to live with them is essential if you want to be successful.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 6.25.18 at 03:57 am by Roy Osing
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June 18, 2018

7 simple actions you can take to be an amazing speaker

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You can’t be a premier league speaker overnight, but there some simple things you can do to vastly improve your skills and put you on a path to get you there.

These 7 actions helped me establish ‘great communicator’ as a key element of my personal brand; they will work for you if you give them a try.

1. Work on your form

Work on your form; the mechanics of your delivery. Practice varying your tone of voice and the cadence of your presentation. There is nothing more boring and sleep inducing than a monotone presentation with little variation in volume.

Present your material to yourself and listen to how you come across.

Remember it’s not a speech; it’s a performance. Your job is to create a memorable experience for everyone in the room. People will likely forget most of what you say but will remember how you made them feel.

“Open, honest communication is the best foundation for any relationship, but remember that at the end of the day it’s not what you say or what you do, but how you make people feel that matters the most.” – Tony Hsieh

2. Be one with your audience

Lose the comfort tools; try it without a podium and notes to speak from. Embed yourself in the crowd so you can feel their energy and they can feel yours. Your end goal is to be natural on or off stage.

Try rubbing shoulders with your audience and see the reaction you get. I would always wander through the crowd while presenting my material speaking directly to people and engaging them with my material; it was amazing how everyone responded.

3. Emotionally connect with your content

Live and breathe your material; it should ooze from you when you speak. A presentation is not like giving an academic treatise; if you are not emotionally connected with and get excited over your stuff you won’t be believable and no one will listen.

If you’re not turned on about what you are saying, why should anyone else be? They will actually turn off if you speak your words — we know you can read — as opposed to FEEL your words.

4. Keep your energy high

Get and keep your energy up. No one enjoys listening to someone who drones on as if they will die any moment. Take a deep breath before going on, say out loud “energy up!” (I did this every time) and say it to yourself throughout your performance.

If you must work from a script, bold the key points you want to emphasize and punch it when you get to them. The bold highlighting will give you a heads up to the piece requiring emphasis as you read the script — take a breath when you see it.

5. Be different from the speaker crowd

Study other speakers, not from the perspective of trying to copy what they do, but to determine how you can be different from them.

The boilerplate speaker has no unique identity and is soon forgotten. You want them to say after your event “Wow! (s)he as not like any other speaker I’ve heard before”.

The performers who are distinctive and who stand out from the crowd, on the other hand, earn return engagements and accolades from their audiences.

6. You’re NOT a speaker

Treat yourself as a subject matter expert who happens to have amazing communications and engagement skills. You don’t want to be known as a public speaker.
The nuance here is one of emphasis. You want to be recognized first and foremost as someone who is an expert on their content and an amazing storyteller who can bring their material to life and excite people with it.

People who tag themselves as great public speakers, on the other hand, tend to be limited in the content they have to share. They are satisfied with being orators and not experts on any one subject.

7. Let your content flow

Let your material ‘flow from your veins’ flawlessly and be one with you. It’s more about having a conversation with people as opposed to delivering a message in a one-way transmit mode. A conversation has the benefits of being informal and casual and more likely to attract fans than any other presentation method.

If you can achieve the ability to stream your material to your audience in this manner, you will be able to practice the actions mentioned above; if not, you will have to focus on your message content, perhaps depriving your audience of having a memorable moment with you.
     
Speaking success is not just about perfecting the mechanics of the discipline.

It’s about creating new rules of engagement where the prime objective is to connect with and dazzle every person in the audience.

Remember, every person you engage expects two things from you: to learn something new and be entertained while they are learning.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 6.18.18 at 04:19 am by Roy Osing
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May 21, 2018

The right mindset for success can be achieved in 5 easy ways

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The right mindset for success can be achieved in 5 easy ways.

How do successful people do it?

It’s not luck or serendipity.

Successful people generally do not fall into a bucket of poop and consistently come out smelling like a rose; it might occur occasionally but that’s about it.

People who are consistently on the top of their game and who outrun everyone else have a deliberate game plan to do it; a game plan that is focused on creating and unleashing the energy they need to consistently bring their “A” game.

They have their plan mapped out in their head and they play it out every day in the field; their plan is a natural expression of who they are and they execute it involuntarily.

The energy source for each individual varies according to their specific makeup; my energy and drive has always come from constantly looking for opportunities to be different from others in everything I did.

My intent was not to necessarily be better than someone else — relying on a comparative like “better” is a slippery slope because it relies on the judgement of the person observing what you did — but to do things with my own personal twist that would surprise whomever was witnessing my actions with the result that they would notice me in a crowd of my peers and colleagues.

My ‘be different’ action plan became second nature to me; I lived it every moment of very day.

These steps were the essence of my approach.

#1. Ask yourself how the task at hand can be done differently

Before undertaking a project or responding to a request from your boss, consciously ask yourself “How can I do this differently from how others might approach it?” Generally, the crowd approaches tasks the same way; they apply common, textbook problem solving approaches to provide the answer to the problem they have been asked to solve.

They consult the experts; see how they recommend performing the task and they attempt to do it in the prescribed way.
My mindset was always to balk at the normal way a task might be accomplished and look for a ‘different box’ style of achieving the desired result. It’s not the easiest way to attack the challenge you’ve been given, but it’s the right way.

#2. Look for little things

Being different isn’t necessarily about making a quantum leap between the common prescribed method and how you decide to tackle a job.
In virtually every task I was given, it usually came down to a number of little differentiators between my work and how others performed their task. Rarely did I surprise my boss with a silver bullet.

Some “little thing” examples include:
— providing more rigorous analysis than what was required.
— producing a report with more visuals than numbers.
— personalizing my findings to reflect the special attitudes of my internal client.
— getting buy-in from a broader set of cross functional stakeholders than was expected.
— utilizing a project management structure that included high currency individuals from the departments depending on the results.
— having a celebration when a project was successfully completed; buying dinner.
— publicly recognizing the high achievers to the organization so they had the limelight.

#3. Resist the temptation to copy best practises

When someone says to me “My solution is based on sales best practises”, my eyes glaze over and I feel like taking a nap. I’m not looking for a solution-of-the-herd mentality; what I want to see is a result that is the expression of the person’s individuality .
I want to see creativity with a healthy dose of risk taking — a best practice solution is probably less risky but offers little in terms of an innovative mind set and will NEVER surprise anyone.

So, follow best practices at your own peril. It will secure your position in the herd and help you blend in with everyone else — a mindset for success will never come a copycat mentality.

#4. Go against the flow

One of the simplest ways to exercise your be different energy is to consider doing the opposite to the way you expect others to go.
If you expect the crowd to do a quick and dirty evaluation of a particular course of action, “go deep” and evaluate it from several alternative perspectives.

If you expect others will present their plan as the product of their individual efforts, choreograph your presentation to include stakeholders who will be the beneficiaries of the plan.
The point is, always be asking yourself “What if I did a 180 and go against the flow?”

#5. Keep the pressure on yourself

It’s really easy to lose momentum on anything these days when you are pressured with conflicting priorities, more demands of your time than hours available and the increasing expectations of leadership — it’s easy to lose your way.

I had a ritual that I performed every day to keep my energy source alive and well even though chaos surrounded me. My mantra was ‘feel different’ and I repeated it to myself every morning.

I know it sounds corny but it’s essential to discover some gimmick that will keep your thinking straight when things over which you have little or no control constantly toss you about and try to force you from your game plan.

The right mindset for success is probably different from one person to the next.

For me, it is based on the energy I get from trying to be different from everyone else.

To be honest, some days it works better than others but over my 30+ career and my personal life it has served me well.

In fact, I have four amazing grandchildren who I am sure see their Papa as a bit crazy and different; I hope they never lose that perspective.

Cheers,
Roy
Check out my BE DiFFERENT or be dead Book Series

• Posted 5.21.18 at 04:21 am by Roy Osing
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